Mi Instan bukanlah makanan paling sehat, saya sering dengar itu. Karena itu saya belakangan sangat mengurangi porsi mi instan saya. Aah, seandainya mi instan itu makanan sehat.

“Did somebody say, health food?!”

A..apa??  Mi sehat? Healthi Mie? Bahkan namanya saja terdengar sehat! Tidak mungkin, saya pasti sedang bermimpi!

“Kamu tidak mimpi, anak muda. Healtimi mie mi instan mengandung:

Kalsium 1x lebih banyak dari susu segar

Vitamin C 7x lebih banyak dari buah jeruk

Zat Besi 5x lebih banyak dari sayur bayam

Vitamin B 30x lebih banyak dari susu segar.”

Yang benar?! Hmm penjelasan luar biasa, mungkin saya perlu berkonsultasi dengan teman saya yang ahli gizi, kimia, dan farmasi untuk mendiskusikan ini lebih lanjut.

Bungkusmu mungkin keren brur. Tapi banyak makanan sehat yang kurang enak, kadang-kadang wujudnya saja tidak membangkitkan napsu makan, bagaimana dengan wujudmu setelah dimasak?

Don’t make noodle angry, you wouldn’t like noodle  when noodle is angry

Yikes! Maaf-maaf, wujudmu sepertinya cukup membangkitkan rasa lapar, bagaimana kalau kita coba dulu.

30 detik kemudian

Oke, Cuma satu porsi saja sudah kenyang saya jadinya. Rasanya juga seenak mi instan generik yang ada di berbagai warung. Mantap! Anda akan jadi pilihan utama saya… setelah saya punya gaji. Sori bung, dalam dunia mi instan, perbedaan 1000 rupiah itu amat berarti. Dan anda lebih mahal dari mi instan generik.

Eeeuh, stir-fry itu termasuk menggoreng tidak? Kalau tidak, apa maksud anda mie ini bisa dimakan seperti anak mas?

Ini adalah trop (istilah sementara, saya masih bingung mau menerjemahkan ‘trope‘ dengan istilah bahasa Indonesia apa) yang dinamai berdasarkan nama kota di serial TV Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Dalam serial tersebut, Jagoannya berkali-kali melawan monster-monster yang mengancam kota atau marabahaya lain yang melibatkan banyak orang. Tapi sepanjang seri itu jarang tampak ada orang-orang bersikap panik atau berbondong-bondong kabur dari kota (kecuali di musim terakhir). Bala tentara juga tidak buru-buru dipanggil untuk membasmi kota itu karena banyak monster bersarang. Tapi di tiap episode dan tiap ada monster baru yang muncul, penduduk kota bersikap kaget seolah belum pernah dengar tentang makhluk-makhluk aneh yang meneror kota itu bermusim-musim lamanya.

Tentu saja, tulisan ini tidak bermaksud untuk mendiskreditkan trop tersebut. Trop itu kan alat dan gaya penulisan. Trop Sunnydale Syndrome itu jelas dibutuhkan untuk membuat cerita aksi rahasia seseorang berkekuatan super. Kalau tidak begitu ya gak jadi jagoan dong si tokoh utama, sekalian saja bikin cerita tentang kota yang isinya jagoan pembasmi monster semua.

Tujuan tulisan ini ya sesuai judul. Saya mau ngedumel dikit tentang satu dunia yang sunnydale syndromenya sangat parah, yaitu dunia dalam komik favorit saya: Dragon Ball Z. Saya menggunakan judul ‘Dragon Ball Z’, karena rasanya di seri sebelumnya, yaitu ‘Dragon Ball’, sindrom ini tidak parah-parah betul.

Di era DB, Songoku berlatih ilmu tenaga dalam pada Kamesennin. Kamesennin terkenal dengan ilmu memperbanyak diri, Jurus kejutan sepuluh ribu, dan terutama jurus gelombang sinar bernama hadoken Kamehameha. Kamesennin punya rival bernama Tsurusennin yang alirannya punya jurus gelombang sinar bernama Dodonpa. Catat bahwa minimal ada dua jurus gelombang sinar yang terkenal di dunia DB.

Pada era DB, Raja Iblis Pikkoro I menguasai dunia dengan tangan besi. Ia menghancurkan ibukota dengan satu ledakan dari tangannya dan mengancam akan meledakkan satu kota tiap tahunnya. Catat bahwa orang-orang dunia DB sudah tahu bahwa di dunia ada makhluk-makhluk berkekuatan super yang mampu menghancurkan area luas sendirian.

Dalam Tenka Ichi Budokai terakhir seri DB, Kuririn hampir terlempar ke luar arena oleh Majunia (Pikkoro II) lalu ia mengambang di udara dan kekagetan mayoritas penonton diutarakan tentang kemampuan Kuririn. Mereka terkejut karena Kuririn telah menguasai ilmu terbang yang tidak bisa dilakukan oleh semua orang itu. Catat: kemampuan Kuririn, bukan keberadaan ilmu melayang.

Fast forward 5-6 tahun dari episode terakhir DB ke episode-episode DBZ.
Setiap jurus gelombang atau ilmu terbang dikeluarkan oleh siapapun, mayoritas penonton (bahkan para ahli beladiri yang sepatutnya pernah dengar legenda Kamesennin) refleks mengatakan bahwa itu adalah tipuan atau trik. Saat Cell mengancam akan menghancurkan dunia dengan ilmunya, hampir seluruh dunia mempercayai kata-kata Mr. Satan, juara bertahan Tenka Ichi Budokai yang mungkin tidak bisa tahan lama melawan Panput, Raja Chapa, atau Jacky Chun, bahwa Cell menipu mata dengan menggunakan Bom.

Satu-satunya callback yang kita terima ke masa sebelumnya hanyalah kata-kata Raja Dunia yang mengakui keberadaan Raja Iblis Pikkoro dan si MC Tenka Ichi Budokai (yang sepertinya tidak pernah diberi nama) yang mengatakan pada Songoku dkk bahwa mutu TIB menurun sejak terakhir mereka ikut bertanding. Mutu menurun, penjelasan yang sangat memuaskan untuk amnesia sejagat yang sepertinya diderita penghuni dunia DBZ.

Bah, waktu bapak masih seumur kamu, pertandingan TIB bahkan bisa sampe menghancurkan arena.

(anti klaim: diambil dari http://thedragonballblog.blogspot.com/)

Season 2: 4 out of  10 stars

I have finished watching Zero no Tsukaima’s second season and I can honestly say it is disappointing. I know from the first season that this anime gives out a lot of fanservice, but I never thought that the fanservice part would took over so much screen time.

One of the worst part about this second season is the over-the-top flanderization of the two main characters. We know that Saito is a healthy young man who gets turned on by big bosoms and attractive women, but in this season it seems like that interest of his had become his defining trait, so much that he can’t stop talking about it even when he’s near Louise, which guarantees another master-power abuse from the latter. Really, talk about idiot ball.

Oh, and speaking of Louise. The 2^nd season turned her from an insecure little tsundere to a downright abusive master who needs little reason to hurt the man she allegedly loves. Are those “Baka inu, ero inu, sukebe inu!” screams supposed to be funny or cute? Sorry, they just sound painfully annoying to me. Rie Kugimiya’s other tsundere role, Aisaka Taiga is an example of a well written tsun-type tsundere, Louise? Not so much. In light of her abuse of Saito it’s easy for me to root for Siesta (or even the Queen Henrietta), as much as a pervert Saito is, that guy deserves more than explosions in the face.

Even her deredere moments fail to endear her to me, except the one in the earlier part of the final episode which got cancelled by that episode’s epilogue.

That epilogue scene I mentioned before gives the impression that even after Saito awesomely sacrificed his life fighting an army,  and after Louise shows a very impressive pride as a noble who would sacrifice her life for the queen she’s sworn to protect, the producers still think that ecchi-tsundere/yandere antics are still better than actual story.

Ah well, maybe my whole ranting could be considered as hate dumb, maybe there IS a significant character development in season 2, maybe the plot about war IS better that Saito’s fish-out-of-water situation, but I still can’t see any of it over how annoying the characters are. Maybe I should just read the novels, I heard they were better.

1 Cool under Fire

“That’s it! I’m gonna change my name after all this.”

This boy speaking before me, whose hands were scratching his head with his back against the jammed door, is my classmate, Bejo Sasongko. He and I were currently being imprisoned in the school’s sports equipment storage house (or should I say the confiscated sports equipment storage house; as most of the stuff here belonged to students who ‘unlawfully’ brought their own ‘playthings’ to school). As to why he’s ranting about his name instead of shouting out curses or asking for a solution, I had no idea.

I have got to admit that in my adolescent fantasies I have imagined being stuck in a closed space like this. Though in those fantasies, I would be stuck in a romantic situation with a female schoolmate or a hot female teacher. Being stuck here alone with one other boy for standing up to bullying sophomores was never a part of my imagination.

“Seriously? You’re gonna be talking about your name instead of screaming for help?” I said. That was no sarcasm; that was pure question. I really was getting impatient with him. Today’s a hot day. It’s like there’s a crack in the fiery pits of hell and the heat was leaking to earth. This room has no air conditioner; not even a fan.

“We’re stuck inside the farthest storage house from the school ground when everybody else are either already home or hanging out at the noodle kiosk! All because at lunchtime I got to stand behind that damned gorilla, Dado! All these unluckiness is my name’s fault. I keep running into some unlucky shit my whole life because of my name. I’m telling you, it’s a jinx to name someone ‘Bejo’, man!” He irrationally ranted about his somewhat old-fashioned name, which actually contains the wonderful meaning of ‘fortunate’ in Javanese, the language of his ancestors.

“Any child’s name is a blessing and well-meant prayer from their parents, Jo. Besides, you need to quit being hysterical, dimwit.Why don’t you haul your ass over behind those racks and help me look for a window or a door.”

Except there was no other door. None. Nada. This storage house wasn’t so big that they would need to build more than one entry point. Of course, I was only saying that to get him away from the door. It’s just that I knew a way to get that door open; I just can’t let anyone see me doing it.

Bejo started to move in between racks, searching for openings that aren’t there. At the same time, I was examining the jammed door. Those sophomores locked us here about two hours ago; for another twenty minutes i could still hear them laughing outside. Then those laughing voices were gone; which means Bejo’s right about them leaving us. Good, then I can use my ability without anyone witnessing.

I put my hand on the doorknob. Focusing my mind on the object, I began to absorb its heat. Slowly, my hands started to heat up. The heat was leaving the cooling steel. The locking mechanism began to freeze. I only needed to freeze it until it’s brittle enough to break easily without leaving wet traces of ice. Finding debris covered in cold water and crystal in this city during summertime would invoke another alien-slash-magician-slash-government conspiracy theories.

I didn’t want to do this. My uncle warned me of the consequences of using this ability. But I had no choice. It’s not like this wasn’t an emergency. I had to get out, I didn’t wanna spend my fifteenth birthday being held hostage.

“Dude, there’s like nothing to escape through from here!”

“Keep looking!” I shouted back at Bejo to keep him back. I needed a few more seconds.

“I’m telling ya! There’s no way out! I can’t believe my phone battery would go dead at a time like this!” He’s already behind me. Fortunately I was done. My palm felt hot. It’s like I was holding a cup of hot chocolate drink or something. Pardon that chocolate expression, it was the first thing that popped in my mind. Maybe I’ll make one as soon as I get home.

“Hey, maybe we should just kick the door open.” I suggested.

“We tried that before, Kel, didn’t you remember? We weren’t strong eno—“

BRAKK!

–ugh?”

I kicked the door open, the locking mechanism was shattered. It was enough, and  ice-free too.

“W-whoa… you did it, Kel!”

“I’ve broken some Dragon ironpipes with my feet before, Jo. This door’s just a little harder. Now let’s skedaddle before those second-years come back.” I said as I grabbed our bag. We then fled the schoolyard, quietly and quickly. Thankfully we didn’t encounter any lingering bullies.

I prayed that no one saw what just happened. Men in Black and kildare agents (to use my uncle’s terminology) would come knocking on our school’s rolling door if they so much as heard about a magic-related activity took place in school ground.

That said, I was never a mage, though. I don’t do spells or cook frog eggs and lizard brains in a cauldron. I’m more like a mutant from them X-men comics. That thing I just performed are more of an idiosyncratic ability that I possess since I don’t know when.

2 Deceptive Images

That night was an unnaturally cold night.

I used the word “unnatural” rather correctly. As naturally I would have no problem with weather, any weather.  Temperature manipulation (for lack of better terms) was something of a specialty to me. To put it in my uncle’s word, that was my “idiosyncrasy”. Battling cold winds should have been as simple as absorbing the heat from my surrounding air and ground to me.

And yet, there I was, in the middle of the darker part of the shopping district. Among buildings that sells drinks to people who are at least 2 years older than me; buildings that sell hopes of winning big; and buildings  that serves people of.. *ahem… adult tastes . Don’t get any ideas. Allegedly somewhere around here exists a bookstore that sells rare stuff. That particular store only opens after sundown since the owner allegedly goes to the university in daytime, which explains why I was there at seven o’clock on a school day, really. Any suspicion that I was there to do something illegal is false and thus will be frowned upon.

Back to the initial topic. Absorbing a little bit of heat from my surroundings should easily kept my body warm, and in a sense it did. So why did my arms and jaw tremble like I was playing water polo atop the Mahameru? Based on experience, it’s hunches. Hunches that something bad was about to occur. I didn’t have the kind of sixth sense that could draw the future correctly. Having one would make me popular among my schoolmate as a human horoscope prediction machine like a certain someone who will not be named here. And yet I do get hunches from time-to-time. It helped me to stay aware.

So I did what I always did when I get such hunches; I walked closer to the wall; My right hand was inside my jacket-pocket with its thumb readied to send the readily drafted SMS to my uncle stating my last whereabouts just in case someone smothers me without giving me a chance to fight; My left hand was holding a fistful of hard coins (if you don’t have any weapon, a fistful of coins could be a life-saver). That bookstore was not far, hopefully I could make it there before anything happens.

Nothing special happened during the next 50 steps. I was beginning to feel that my hunch was just another false alarm, which was good. However on my 51^st step I saw something unusual. Snap. Before me stood a girl about my age. She wasn’t very tall. In fact she’s kind of small. A thug-faced lad stood in front of her gesturing his head towards an alleyway. Behind her stood another thug-faced lad in a denim jacket, his hands that were inside his kidney-pockets looks quite big that it drew an outline on the surface of the jacket. His right index finger stuck out to the front, or rather, that seems more like a revolver barrel than a finger.

The three of them moved into the alley, the girl didn’t seem to be as amused as the three lads. Normally, being suspicious of a pack that consists of a good-looking girl and a (or two) lad (or lads) would only invite laughter among peers (or scolding from a politically correct friend). However, seeing this kind of situation in an alleyway within a questionable district really got my curiosity going. So I followed them.

A few meters inside the alley they stopped. It’s kind of dark here, so I thought they won’t notice a tagalong hiding behind the trash can.

“This is far enough! Jeez, What’s wrong with paying in the main street anyway?” said the girl as she pulled out an envelope.

“Gimme that, sweetcheeks.” The lad in the brown t-shirt grabbed the envelope and took a peek inside.

“That’s enough, innit? I’m going now.” The girl turned towards me. Wait no, towards the main street.

“Not so fast, Cit.” The denim-jacket-guy grabbed her wrist. However, as if guided by Max Mercury, the zen master of speed, ‘Cit’ quickly turned around and pushed the guy’s shoulder onto the wall with her fist. The guy proceeded to pull out his gun, but Cit quickly grabbed the iron wand and pointed its barrel at her assailants. It looked like she won’t be needing my help after all.

“Eeeaasy, girl. Give that back before somebody gets hurt.”

“D’ya think I’m afraid to pull the trigger, boy? DO YA?”

The denim guy held his two palms up. The other one just stood there.

“Already gave you the money. That should cover your “protection” fee and your friend’s nose. Now let me go!”

“That won’t be enough, Babe. Blek’s pretty pissed ‘bout you messin up his brother’s nose and such, Now he wants more from you.”

“Yeah, This dough’s enough for your grampa’s store this month, yet not enough to cool down Blek’s anger, see. When the man’s angry, he just gotta have what he wants.” As  Brown-shirt said that, about six other thugs came from another alley behind them. One of them now stood between Cit and Denim Guy, the others started circling around them. That first guy, who I recon was ‘Blek’, quickly grabbed the gun. Cit only stood there dumbfounded, though not for long.

“He’s right, Citra. You got quite some balls for a chick, breaking my brotha’s face like that. Now it gonna took’im awhile before he could score another chick.”

“Your brother only got what he deserved for thrashing my store and touching me like that, Blek. I owe nothing. Neither to you nor to him.”

“Looks like I’m just gonna have to rough ya up a bit, bitch.” Blek looks around to his friends. “Don’t worry guys, y’all’ll get your share tonight.”

Those thugs looked serious, some of them drew out their switchblades. Switchblades? What the heck, where in tarnation were these guys from? Some Rebel Without a Cause fan-club? Did I woke up in the 1950s this evening?

“Give it up Cit! The more you fight the rougher we’ll be, bitch.”

“I ain’t your bitch, you disrespectful sewer-rats! I don’t bow to you! It is you who will lower your head before me.” Saying her badass boast, ‘Citra’ jump kicks one of the thug’s in the face. But she then got pushed by another in mid-air and fell to the ground. The other thugs started to close down on her, one was pulling her pants down while the other are giving her face a beating. They seemed like a flurry of shadow movements, I can’t make out which is which.

I know I followed them to the alley to help her just in case something bad happened. But when it came down to this, I couldn’t move from my hiding place. I got scared of the 5 thugs. A girl’s about to get violated in front of you dammit! Move your legs!

I pulled my self to move, one leg at a time, but I was stopped when the thug that was pulling her pants off suddenly screamed. The other pulled their fist back and observed the body on the ground.

It was Blek, their boss.

“Boss!”

“What the f—“

Citra stood before them, unharmed and remarks: “Whaddya know, you just did ya own boss. Seriously guys, stop thinking with your gonads.” The other thugs tried to silence her laughter by lunging at her. This alley was dark enough that I could only see them as a blur of 5 figures awkwardly beating each other up. But in about 3 minutes the standing silhouettes are reduced to two: One of a girl holding a revolver. one of a guy horrified of the situation he’s in.

“Wha-! How-! When-!?”

“When you’re busy beating off your comrades, genius.” Citra smiles as she pushed the gun barrel onto his mouth. The thug was trembling. The victorious girl then closed in on his ear and whispered something. I heard a small explosion. The man then fell down.

“You, the one watching from behind the trash-can. What it is you want?!” She asked again, pointing the gun at my direction.” I’m so dead.

“Okay, okay. Don’t shoot, I’m not one of them.” I came out of my hiding place; arms up in the somewhat warmer night sky.

“You think we was some kind of movie or something boy? I don’t appreciate voyeuristic guys who like to watch a girl get beat.” She said, still pointing the revolver at me. I gotta tell you, It’s not like I have never been in fights. I just never got into a fight with guns. These steel wands scared me, especially when I could see down their barrel like this. From the gun’s point of view this must look like one of them James Bond cold openings. Except I wasn’t wearing a tux or carrying a Walther PPK.

“I meant no harm… I just wanted to help. Okay, maybe it turns out I’m not courageous enough. But really, I was just worried about you.” The girl’s bright brown eyes observed me from beyond the gun and her arm.

“Thanks, Kel. But as you can see. I can take care of myself.” Citra lowered the gun. I found myself breathe a sigh of relief.

“It seems so…. Wait, how did you know my name?” I realized that the girl just called me by my first name.

“Kelvin Wijayakusuma. 1^st grade, class D. Registered as member of the visual arts club yet was only present on the first day. Skipped school on a weekly basis.”

“… Seriously, how did you know all that?”

“I am a member of said club, dumbass. I have seen you before.” Citra laughed. She really was kind of pretty. Pity she had a real foul mouth. But then again, I was kind of dumbass for not noticing this girl during my first (and only) presence in the club.

“Citra Nabukudracara, 1^st grade, Class F. Now we had a proper introduction.” She switched her gun-holding hand and shook my hand. Gun. My mind raced back to the explosion I heard before. I glanced at the guy that I believed she had shot. He was still lying in the ground… but I don’t smell any burning flesh or see any blood flowing.

What the hell just happened?

Citra followed my glance and stared at the body. She realized what I was dumbfounded about.

“Relax, look at this” she emptied the revolver, and I saw six bullets fell down to the cold asphalt. Whole bullets, not just shells. Wait… six?

“I never fired the gun, the guy’s alive.”

“But how!? I clearly heard explosion then!”

“Only because I want everyone in this alley to hear said explosions, Mr. Wijayakusuma.” She said, from behind me… What?

The other Citra tapped her fingers on my shoulder. I glanced back and forth from the girl behind me to the girl in front of me. They’re both the same girl. Not twins. They were identical down to the scars above their left eyebrows.

In a moment, the one in front of me disappears. The one behind me now looked identical to me. Same hair, same face, same clothing, same dirty shoes. It’s like looking at a mirror, except I wasn’t. Then the other me said, in my voice:

“This ain’t no dream, Kel. This is me, this is real.” So I see, this girl was another idiosyncratic human. Another surprise I got. I wasn’t sure if I’ll ever be able to forget that day, my fifteenth birthday.

Insideout Boy

Inside Eddie Johnson: Fart (i think the reporter guy died here… how sad )

Safety Queen

Joey’s Lunch (penampilan komedi, olahraga, atau tarian dari isi bekal seorang anak)

Asbak itu menghantam dahi Ferdi lalu mendarat di atas jari-jari kakinya. Untung bukan asbak dari kaca atau porselen. Ferdi harusnya kesakitan, tapi ia tertawa-tawa beserta seisi ruangan. Lawakan anus, selangkangan, dan slapstick, salah satu hal khas kantor ini yang makin hari makin membuatku jengkel. Bukan karena aku sok suci, tapi karena lama-lama memang semakin menjijikkan tapi juga semakin tidak lucu.

“Eh, iya, rokok gua mana?”
“Masa gak tahu rokok sendiri di mana sih, Fer? Harusnya sih di bawah hahaha.” Hipotesis ‘tidak lucu’-ku langsung dipatahkan oleh Alan, terbukti seisi ruangan ini tetap tertawa. Mungkin hanya aku yang tidak punya selera humor yang sama.

“Nih, gua bagi satu tadi.” Ferdi mengambil pak itu dari tanganku, lalu menyelipkan sebatang di bibirnya. “Be-Te-We, si OB cewek itu ijin sakit ya hari ini?” Tanyanya pada seisi ruangan. Semua OB lain memberi variasi anggukan dan gumaman ‘iya’ untuk menjawab Ferdi.
“Duile, kangen, bro?”
“Iyalah, ga ada dia jadi batang semua nih.” Mereka tertawa lagi. “Dan juga, dia gak masuk dan Pedro baru cabut, kerjaan kita jadi numpuk nih.”

“Bentar lagi satu orang lagi bakal resign keknya” Alan berkata sambil menunjuk ke arahku.
“Yang bener, Gor? Lo mau resign?”
“Kalo semua sesuai rencana gua, bulan depan gua mau berhenti, pindah ke Karibia dan berjemur di pantai tiap hari…”
“Wooo!” Ferdi menoyor kepalaku. Aku nyengir saja. “Yaah tapi emang pengen cabut sih, minimal jadi tukang kebon di Castle Ismogaard juga boleh.”

“Haha, lo mah emang benci bener ama kantor kita.”
“No comment.” Aku berusaha menghindari topik ini, sebenci apapun kita pada suatu kantor, membahasnya dengan orang-orang yang menggantungkan kehidupan pada kantor yang bersangkutan bukan ide bagus. Pada saat yang sama, Bos mengirim SMS, memintaku membeli makan siang untuk 10 orang, sepertinya ada pertemuan dengan seorang wartawan senior dan/atau geng masa mudanya.

“Ah gua duluan ya, ada perintah nih.” Ujarku sambil mematikan rokok.
“Lhooo, bilangnya mau resign tapi masih rajin aja.“
“Yah, sampe resignnya resmi kan gua masih butuh uang.“ Sahutku sambil mengangkat bahu.

***

“Pak.” Di depan elevator yang lambat itu, si anak magang menegurku sambil membungkuk kecil.
“Eh, sudah mau keluar Iz?”
“Iya nih, sudah dapet panggilan.“
“Janjiannya di mana? Jauh?”
“Ah enggak, cuma 3 blok dari sini, di Kafe M-m-m-on! di Acid Boulevard. Bapak sendiri mau ke mana?”
“Biasa, pesenan makan siang ke resto Choking Duck. Sayang lo tugas luar, kan jarang-jarang makan pake duit kantor.”
Pfft, mendingan makan di luar daripada makan sambil denger omelan bos dan teman-temannya soal generasi muda.“ Kami berbincang dan tertawa sambil menuruni elevator itu dan menyusuri lantai satu.

lift

Di pintu masuk kami melewati seorang kurir yang sedang diperiksa satpam.
“Maaf mas, helmnya dibuka dong.“
“Jaketnya juga.“
Si kurir menuruti perintah para satpam dengan sedikit menggerutu.
“Tasnya ini juga tolong dibuka, mas.“
“YAELAH PAK. Takut amat sih, kalaupun isinya beneran bom emangnya ngaruh saya atau bapak yang buka ini tas?!“

Kalau ada scanner begini, masuk gedung apapun pasti terasa lebih santai dan keren (sumber: Total Recall, wired.com)

Si kurir mengomel, tapi aku dan Z.Z. sudah keluar gedung. Apapun lanjutan perdebatan mereka tidak kudengar lagi.
Sampai di persimpangan aku melambaikan tangan dan berpesan kepada Z.Z. agar tidak berkelahi di kafe nanti. Ia hanya tertawa. Namun tawanya terpotong pendek setelah melihat mobil jip yang hampir menabraknya. Si anak magang terjatuh karena kaget. Aku tidak mampu berkata apa-apa saat Jip yang naik trotoar itu memasuki jarak seperempat kilometer dari ujung kaki Z.Z.

***

“Tidaaaakk!! Lepaskaannnmmhhgffghgfh!!”
“Sumpel terus mulutnya Bob! Gua gak bisa konsen nyetir denger jeritannye!”
“Gua udah usahain tapi susah, dia nendang-nendang terus!”
“POKOKNYA TA’AN DIA! Itu tanggung jawab lo sebagai orang yang ketuker botol kloroform sama minyak telon!”
Streess. Kita emang baru aja lepas dari kejaran polisi dengan masuk ke daerah terkutuk ini. Tapi sekarang gua stress harus berakrobat di antara gerobak barang bekas, angkot, dan penjual gorengan yang kadang-kadang memakan seperempat dari jalan. Sebaiknya lain kali kalau menculik pakai mobil yang lebih kecil.
“Itu bocah juga susah betul dibuat diam. Harusnya kita ketok saja kepalanya sampai bocor.”
“Sayangnya gembong sudah memberi perintah untuk tidak membuat anak itu sampai berdarah, kasihan katanya. Heran gua sama si gembong. Masak masih ada rasa kasihan sama orang yang jelas-jelas kita culik. Emangnya ada perjanjian yang memerintahkan seperti itu?”

“Tauk deh si bos. Udah gak apa-apa kita ketok aja. Anak orang kaya macem dia harus sekali-kali dikasih pelajaran. Enak aaaje dia pikir bisa hidup enak terus. Hahaha!“
Tawa rekanku segera terhenti kena tendangan yang muncul dari antara jok kami. Anak ini benar-benar ndak bisa diatur. Gua ingin sekali nonjok dia, tapi sayangnya sekarang bukan waktu yang tepat.
“LEPASIN GUAA!“ Anak itu teriak histeris, kakinya mengayun-ayun seperti cambuk. Salah satu tendangannya berhasil mendorong lengan gua yang sedang menyetir. Gua kehilangan keseimbangan. Mobil kami naik trotoar dan hampir menabrak seorang pemuda berbaju putih.
Gua menginjak rem. Melindas orang bukan masalah buatku, tapi kali ini kami sedang buru-buru. Gua segera pindahin persneling ke ‘R’. Tapi sebelum kabur rasanya aku perlu menumpahkan emosi sedikit, kubuka jendela mobil dan kulongokkan leherku keluar.

***

“Tolol! Kalau nyebrang liat-liat!”
“Liat-liat? Li-at-li-AT?!” Zacharias Zhuang menggeram dan tangannya mencengkeram debu di trotoar tempatnya jatuh terduduk. Matanya agak berkaca-kaca, entah ketakutan karena hampir tertabrak atau karena sangat emosi. Tapi kalau ini adalah judi, aku taruhan itu air mata karena emosi. Rasanya aku harus panggil security, harusnya mereka bisa mendengar, toh kami belum jauh dari kantor.
“Pertama, siapa elu berani merintah-merintah gua di jalan ini? Gak bisa baca kartu pers di leher gua ini ya?“ Z.Z. bangkit berdiri. Aku melambai-lambai ke arah pos satpam, tapi mereka rasanya tidak melihatku. Sejujurnya aku mulai cemas, di belakangku ada hawa membunuh yang sedang menggelegak, seperti air rebusan yang mulai berbuih.
“Kedua, jelas-jelas ini jalan sempit, ngapain lu ngebut?“ Z.Z. mendekati mobil jip itu, kedua tangannya terkepal. Dua orang di dalam mobil seperti ketakutan dan menutup kaca. Aku mulai berteriak „Hoi-hoi“ ke arah pos satpam, mereka baru ngeh sekarang.
“Ketiga, pengemudi yang naikin mobilnya ke trotoar gak punya hak marahin pejalan kaki, Hundan!“ Z.Z. melayangkan badai tinju super cepat ke jendela mobil itu. Kacanya mulai tampak putih retak-retak. “WOOOOI, panggil petugas P3K kemari!” Satu orang satpam langsung lari ke arah kami, satpam satunya sepertinya sedang lari ke klinik.

Z.Z. seperti monster. Mengabaikan kepalannya yang mulai merah-merah, ia meninju jendela sampai copot dan membuka pintu mobil dari dalam. Itu kaca atau permen, mudah betul copot.

“Toloong!“ ada teriakan anak kecil dari dalam mobil. Wah, ini sih harus dihentikan, sebrengsek-brengseknya pengendara ini, nggak lucu juga kalau Z.Z. memukuli seorang bapak di depan anaknya.
Si satpam sudah sampai di tempat kami, aku memberinya isyarat untuk sama-sama menarik reporter pemarah ini dari mobil tersebut. Eeeh, tiba-tiba suara anak kecil itu teriak lagi.
“Tolong! Mereka ini penculik!”
“… Kayaknya kita perlu telepon polisi juga deh.” Aku berbisik ke si satpam, ia mengangguk dan mengeluarkan HP-nya.
„Oooh, jadi selain pengemudi yang tolol lu tuh penculik anak kecil juga ya? BAGUS! GUA GAK BAKAL SUNGKAN-SUNGKAN!“
Adegan selanjutnya berlangsung agak cepat. Yang jelas aku dan Z.Z bisa cepat kabur dan melanjutkan perjalanan, anak itu dan dua penculiknya yang bonyok kuserahkan pada regu satpam. Semoga tidak ada lagi kehebohan semacam itu hari ini.

cracked.com: 5-ways-you-know-its-time-to-get-married

Lagi-lagi soal dubber. Ketika browsing tentang salah satu penyulih suara kesukaan saya sewaktu kecil, yaitu Hanis, saya malah dapat berita bahwa beliau sudah meninggal. berikut ini artikel lengkapnya dari forum aoindonesia.net, ditulis oleh username saddam, threadnya bisa disimak di http://aoindonesia.net/showthread.php?t=7477

Artikel ini saya dedikasikan untuk Hanis. Salah seorang Seiyu Indonesia terbaik yang pernah ada. Tepat hari ini adalah peringatan 5 tahun sejak meninggalnya beliau.

Pertamakali saya mengenal Hanis adalah sejak dia menjadi Seiyu Rei Hino di Sailor Moon dan sejak itu ia menjadi salah seorang Seiyu tetap Indosiar (sebelum sempat hengkang beberapa tahun ketika terjadi pergantian Seiyu besar-besaran pada akhir 90an) dan kemudian di TV 7 hingga akhir hayatnya.

Mbak Hanis adalah salah seorang Seiyu yang memiliki karakter suara yang unik. Ia biasanya mengisi suara anak kecil laki-laki atau karakter laki-laki yang bersuarakan perempuan ataupun karakter wanita yang bersuara berat/karakter wanita berpembawaan keras/dewasa. Sebuah tipe suara yang kalau dilihat berdasarkan standar Seiyu lokal merupakan karakter suara yang masih langka dan sulit dicari tandingannya sampai sekarang.

And perhaps, dia adalah Seiyu yang nama dan suaranya paling familiar bagi saya. Setiap kali nonton film dubbingan terus denger sebuah suara, “AHA!! Pasti ini suaranya Hanis!!!” Memang Seiyu seangkatannya seperti Mbak Wiwiek dan Mbah Diah juga familiar. Tapi entah kenapa bagi saya Hanis adalah yang paling berkesan (selain Dewi Arifiani yang mewakili dubbing masa kini tentunya^^).

Terakhir kali saya mendengar suara Hanis adalah saat ia berperan sebagai Ginosuke di Tokyo Underground pada tahun 2003/2004 dulu. Dan siapa sangka itu menjadi salah satu karya terakhir beliau???

Ironisnya berita kematian Hanis baru pertamakali saya ketahui 2 tahun kemudian ketika brau pertamakali berkenalan dengan situs PERSUSI dan pas melihat profilnya ternyata dia sudah meninggal.

OMG, salah satu Seiyu yang suaranya paling familiar ternyata sudah meninggal sejak 2004.

Dan sejak saat itu Indonesia kehilangan salah satu putri terbaiknya.

Akhirnya saya cuma bisa bilang. “Pergilah dan beristirahatlah dengan tenang Mbak Hanis. Suaramu akan selalu saya kenang selamanya.”

Berikut ini adalah peran-peran yang pernah dimainkan oleh Almarhumah dari mulai anime sampai non-anime (dari persusi.org) :

Amigos : Pedro

Sailor Moon : Rei Hino

Dragon Ball : Kulilin

Saint Saiya RCTI : Andromeda Sun

Medabot : Ikki

Let’s and Go : Retsu

Digimon Tamers : Li Jen Lia

Cedric : Cedric

Ninja Boy TPI : Kirimaru, Bibi Kantin

Dr. Slump : Pisuke

Vivan Los Ninos : Lucas Bataya

Flame of Recca : Neon 2

Richie Rich : Richie

Peter Pan and the Pirates : Peter Pan

Dennied and the Gnasher : Dennies

Shaka Laka Boom Boom : Shanju 1, Candu 2

Magic Knight Rayerath Movie 3 : Hikaru Shido

Captain Tsubasa episode 1 dan 2 : Tsubasa Ozora

Casper and Friends : Terry, Wendy jahat

Mariana Silvana : Joaqin

Detektif Conan OVA : Conan Edogawa, Sinichi Kudo

Kera Sakti 1 : Ratu Kayangan

Jigoku Sensei Nube : Hiroshi Tateno

Time Quest : Hayato Shindo

Apa ini…. Apa itu… ? : Catty 2, Froggy 2

Bawang Merah dan Bawang Putih : Nyokapnya bawang Merah

Whistle : Kazamatsuri Sho

Buku Harian Daniela : Martin

Tokyo MewMew : Penjahat

Astro Boy : Atom

Hamtaro : Tutupi

Samurai X OVA : Hyoshi Myojin

Tokyo Underground : Ginosuke Isuzu

Born To Cook

Gabriela

Lisa Estrada

Call of the Wild

Si Kancil

Petualangan Amigos

Babar the King of the Elephant

I am the bone of my speech
Texts are my body, and repetitions are my blood
I have learned over a thousand words.
Unaware of boredom, Nor known to fatigue
Withstood pain to master many tongues
I have no regrets. this is my only path
So as I pray,
UNLIMITED LANGUAGE WORKS

Saya harus berterimakasih pada Type Moon dan Mirror Moon. Belakangan ini saya mendapat banyak inspirasi dari mereka.

Pertama-tama memainkan Fate/Stay Night, saya sungguh tidak menyangka permainan text-based itu akan memiliki kekuatan sedemikian rupa. Baris-demi baris, paragraf-demi paragraf, ceritanya begitu keren dan engaging. Gara-gara permainan itu saya jadi semangat lagi mengarang fiksi (termasuk mendesain dan menggambar tokoh).

Salah satu hal yang amat nyantol di otak setelah memainkan Fate / Stay Night adalah mantra yang digunakan oleh Archer dan Shirou untuk membuka dunia sihir mereka yang hanya dihuni oleh pedang. mantra yang sebenernya ditulis dalam Engrish itu tetap terdengar keren. berikut aslinya:
versi Shirou:
I am the bone of my sword
Steel is my body and fire is my blood
I have created over a thousand blades
Unaware of loss, Nor aware of gain
Withstood pain to create weapons, waiting for one’s arrival
I have no regrets. This is the only path
My whole life was UNLIMITED BLADE WORKS

versi Archer:
I am the bone of my sword
Steel is my body and fire is my blood
I have created over a thousand blades
Unknown to Death, Nor known to Life
Have withstood pain to create many weapons
Yet, those hands will never hold anything
So as I pray, UNLIMITED BLADE WORKS.

Versi Anonymous Mike, yang mengumpulkan tugas esai berisi tulisan berikut ini, tidak lulus, namun dapat D+ untuk kreativitas.

I am the bone of my essay
Procrastination is my body, and caffeine is my blood
i have ignored over a thousand deadlines.
Unknown to MLA format, nor known to passing grades.
Have withstood responsibility to fail many classes.
Yet those classes will never teach anything.
So, as I hand in,
UNLIMITED ESSAY WORKS

sebuah mantra lain (dari sudut pandang guru tampaknya)

(versi beda dikit)
I am the red ink of my pen.
Diplomas are my body, and lectures are my blood.
I have graded over a thousand papers.
Unaware of glory, Nor aware of a fat paycheck
Withstood the tribulations of teaching, Waiting for the arrival of one who would throw the grading curve.
I have no regrets, for this is the grade you earned.
Your whole life will be,
UNLIMITED F MARKS

Kalau pekerjaan/gaya hidup anda? bentuk mantranya gimana ya?